(I'll get to the learning issue in a bit)
This will be a long one, thought I would warn you.
I have stuff I have logged in my head to take and a small gathering of stuff in a pile but I need to pull out the luggage and see what pieces we have! My mom came this week to help with Taylor since I needed to work the night shift. It was great to have her here helping with all sorts of stuff; including wrapping small toys for Taylor from Megan and Gaven for the plane ride.
Thad and I started to charge batteries and found out that we needed new batteries for our camera, camcorder and DVD! We got those today so that is good; some friends let us borrow a DVD with 2 batteries! Getting that done is big for us. We have 2 1/2 inches of snow and it's still falling so I'm glad we went when we did.
Here is a God thing. This is my "need to learn something several times before I get it moment.
We went to Portland today and Thad wanted to go to a knife sale at the other end of town, so we went. Taylor said he had to go potty and I asked a guy who escorted us to the bathroom through a secure area. After that he asked if we wanted to see where he worked (it was only Taylor and I). We went (even though I wanted to get back). At his area he told Taylor what he did. We went to leave and he started to show us pictures of his family (oh boy I thought. We really need to go). He got to his 2 Asian girls and started talking about something else. I asked, "are these your girls?" he said, "yea they are from China". I said wow we leave on the 12th! We talked and he mentioned that in the south we will need masks since it's so humid and polluted. I said something about Taylor’s asthma. I wasn't complaining I just stated that he has asthma although in my heart I have not trusted that God will keep him safe (to my standard). He looked me straight in the eye and said "God got you this far and He will get you and him (Taylor) the rest of the way. You just watch what the Lord does for you. Pray over everything and see how good God is" (something very close to that!) I hadn't said anything about my faith! I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from crying right there! Taylor got sick this week and Taylor getting sick is the one thing that I still worry allot about. He has been in the hospital for pneumonia and asthma related stuff before.
I have stuff I have logged in my head to take and a small gathering of stuff in a pile but I need to pull out the luggage and see what pieces we have! My mom came this week to help with Taylor since I needed to work the night shift. It was great to have her here helping with all sorts of stuff; including wrapping small toys for Taylor from Megan and Gaven for the plane ride.
Thad and I started to charge batteries and found out that we needed new batteries for our camera, camcorder and DVD! We got those today so that is good; some friends let us borrow a DVD with 2 batteries! Getting that done is big for us. We have 2 1/2 inches of snow and it's still falling so I'm glad we went when we did.
Here is a God thing. This is my "need to learn something several times before I get it moment.
We went to Portland today and Thad wanted to go to a knife sale at the other end of town, so we went. Taylor said he had to go potty and I asked a guy who escorted us to the bathroom through a secure area. After that he asked if we wanted to see where he worked (it was only Taylor and I). We went (even though I wanted to get back). At his area he told Taylor what he did. We went to leave and he started to show us pictures of his family (oh boy I thought. We really need to go). He got to his 2 Asian girls and started talking about something else. I asked, "are these your girls?" he said, "yea they are from China". I said wow we leave on the 12th! We talked and he mentioned that in the south we will need masks since it's so humid and polluted. I said something about Taylor’s asthma. I wasn't complaining I just stated that he has asthma although in my heart I have not trusted that God will keep him safe (to my standard). He looked me straight in the eye and said "God got you this far and He will get you and him (Taylor) the rest of the way. You just watch what the Lord does for you. Pray over everything and see how good God is" (something very close to that!) I hadn't said anything about my faith! I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from crying right there! Taylor got sick this week and Taylor getting sick is the one thing that I still worry allot about. He has been in the hospital for pneumonia and asthma related stuff before.
I guess I needed to go to the knife show today!
I needed to here from God through someone that didn't know me; who would speak so blunt to my heart. I feel so blessed that the Lord gave me that today. I told the man that and he (matter of fact) said "Well you're doing what He asks you to do, of course He will show you that." So tonight I'm going to start my "look at what the Lord has done" book so that when I doubt (I do too often) I can remember what He has shown me in His amazing way. I'm sure that I will see patterns that I'm learning the same things over and over again until I get it!!!
FYI: we leave from Portland on the 12th at 12:10pm. We get back at 6:55am on the 28th. We leave there at 8:30am and get back at 6:55am although we will feel like it is 9pm when we get in. If you want to come to the airport when we get back feel free but I'm not sure I could/would at 6:55am! So we will be surprised to see anyone and that is a ok. I will try to update the blog while we are there but I don't know how that will go. I'm not sure what things will be like when we get home either. My mom mentioned that I might want to explain this more so I will try to keep it short.
Sensory integration and attachment disorders are challenges we have been privileged to learn about before picking up Sarah. Most kids fall into the mild category for these "challenges" (that's what I call them since I don't like calling them disorders; it just scares me) Anyway. Attachment "challenges" is the big one at first. Since these kids have been on a schedule since day 3-4 of their lives their needs have not necessary been met in a "timely" fashion. For instance if a diaper is dirty they may be 10th in line and they will get changed then, it just is that way in a large scale orphanage, and 10th maybe a short wait. So the child (vision a circle) has a need (top) they express their need, their need does not get met in a timely fashion, they get angry frustrated or desperate and express that and still the need doesn't get met soon enough if at all. If the need is to be held by someone and there is not time for that it may not get met! This is why (I've been told) she may not want us to touch her at first. So the child does not trust that their needs will get met when they need it. When the need comes up again and again and does not get met the next time it comes up they go straight to the anger/frustration/desperate state and by pass expressing their need. Think of a baby that gets changed and fed when needed. They learn to bond to the people who meet their needs. When you don't learn to bond (bonding leads to attachment) when you are little it is hard to learn it as you get older. The brain starts to loose these connections early (6 months if I remember right) and at sometime they really do cease; that is a very extreme scenario.
Sooo why am I saying this? Sarah will be in the mild end (we hope) since she has had 1 of 3 years of life in foster care and her orphanage is a good one (we have heard). It will take her time to learn that she can trust us with her needs. She needs to see us as the primary "care takers of her needs" so that she bonds with us in hopes that she attaches with us fast. We need to focus on her (and Taylor) for awhile before being in situations where we might miss her cues. 10 steps forward can be demolished by 1 step back. Oh and there is the language thing too. It's not that we don't trust that the Lord will help us see these things it's that many others who have done this before us have shared their wisdom with us and we would be fools to not listen. Other people could care for her needs (play, touch, food, etc) and then she would see everyone as her "caretakers" which would be wonderful but then as she gets older she will have less of an attachment to us and may become confused as to who to be close to. I have a hard time understanding it all but the several people who have shared this with us really have communicated it better than I have here. Does it make sense?
FYI: we leave from Portland on the 12th at 12:10pm. We get back at 6:55am on the 28th. We leave there at 8:30am and get back at 6:55am although we will feel like it is 9pm when we get in. If you want to come to the airport when we get back feel free but I'm not sure I could/would at 6:55am! So we will be surprised to see anyone and that is a ok. I will try to update the blog while we are there but I don't know how that will go. I'm not sure what things will be like when we get home either. My mom mentioned that I might want to explain this more so I will try to keep it short.
Sensory integration and attachment disorders are challenges we have been privileged to learn about before picking up Sarah. Most kids fall into the mild category for these "challenges" (that's what I call them since I don't like calling them disorders; it just scares me) Anyway. Attachment "challenges" is the big one at first. Since these kids have been on a schedule since day 3-4 of their lives their needs have not necessary been met in a "timely" fashion. For instance if a diaper is dirty they may be 10th in line and they will get changed then, it just is that way in a large scale orphanage, and 10th maybe a short wait. So the child (vision a circle) has a need (top) they express their need, their need does not get met in a timely fashion, they get angry frustrated or desperate and express that and still the need doesn't get met soon enough if at all. If the need is to be held by someone and there is not time for that it may not get met! This is why (I've been told) she may not want us to touch her at first. So the child does not trust that their needs will get met when they need it. When the need comes up again and again and does not get met the next time it comes up they go straight to the anger/frustration/desperate state and by pass expressing their need. Think of a baby that gets changed and fed when needed. They learn to bond to the people who meet their needs. When you don't learn to bond (bonding leads to attachment) when you are little it is hard to learn it as you get older. The brain starts to loose these connections early (6 months if I remember right) and at sometime they really do cease; that is a very extreme scenario.
Sooo why am I saying this? Sarah will be in the mild end (we hope) since she has had 1 of 3 years of life in foster care and her orphanage is a good one (we have heard). It will take her time to learn that she can trust us with her needs. She needs to see us as the primary "care takers of her needs" so that she bonds with us in hopes that she attaches with us fast. We need to focus on her (and Taylor) for awhile before being in situations where we might miss her cues. 10 steps forward can be demolished by 1 step back. Oh and there is the language thing too. It's not that we don't trust that the Lord will help us see these things it's that many others who have done this before us have shared their wisdom with us and we would be fools to not listen. Other people could care for her needs (play, touch, food, etc) and then she would see everyone as her "caretakers" which would be wonderful but then as she gets older she will have less of an attachment to us and may become confused as to who to be close to. I have a hard time understanding it all but the several people who have shared this with us really have communicated it better than I have here. Does it make sense?
Anyway I just wanted to share that we really want to share her with everyone ASAP. Believe me it's hard to think of being with her and not interacting with family and friends for awhile like we do now. But it will pass and the more we provide for her needs the more she will trust and the more she trusts the more she will attach to us and when that happens she will know that we love her and she has a mom and a dad!
Oh a brother too but I some how don't guess that he will have her needs in mind most of the time although he tells everyone he meets about her right now!
Oh a brother too but I some how don't guess that he will have her needs in mind most of the time although he tells everyone he meets about her right now!
Last just a thought that came up. She may go to the desperate state quick if not first thing. The people we have talked to say it's embarrassing. She may look like a brat or like we are spoiling her. She needs to know that we will provide for her needs no matter how she expresses them at first. We will first provide for those needs then later when she starts attaching to us we hope to train her to express her needs in an appropriate manner. It will look very different than standard parenting of a child who is attached from birth. We will not do it right all the time. I'm hoping for doing it well 1/2 of the time and I pray that the Lord will help us because we know we can not do this without Him!
Thanks again for being our support through this. Thanks for reading this LONG post! -Becky
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